Hey Guys,
I hope you're all doing well. I'm sorry for my lack of blogging recently-I'd love to say I've been off galavanting around having the time of my life-but sadly this isn't the case. I've been finding things incredibly stressful and draining recently. Work for starters has just been beyond manic and I'm due to take on yet more responsibility soon, which is a little daunting. On top of that it's the usual balancing act of family, friends and relationship...oh and that little thing OCD. For those of you who have OCD, I'm sure you'll have an understanding of how utterly exhausting it can be. Take the usual daily stresses, money, work, marriage and add another huge pile of crap on top-that crap is OCD.
I also encountered a rather large setback in the form of Amsterdam in August...BOY OH BOY was that a tricky 5 days....my anxiety was crippling, my relationship barely survived and my brain just wanted to hide away for eternity. Tears were had and I admittedly spent the remainder of my annual leave hiding from the world in my bedroom, before retuning to the stress pit that is work. All in all it was a very difficult trip, there were good parts, don't get me wrong but I think it was a case of too much too soon and for too long. I will do a video on this, I did do one when I got back but the sound mucked up...Winner.
Anyway...back to OCD.....
Just when I have my OCD under control, there it pops up, disguised as something different, making it hard for me to recognise and as a result, question myself. Sometimes it will be contamination, other times intrusive thoughts and often checking. It's a nice little switch between harrowing thoughts, annoying compulsions and an exhausted mind.
I have also recently reduced my medication which may account for my slightly 'off' mood. Depression is a funny thing, it creeps up oh so cautiously and then BAM, without any real warning signs you're in it, and at that point, its incredibly difficult to see a way out. I try and focus on the things in my life which are wonderful; my family, boyfriend and friends but depression and ocd don't really take these things into account. No matter how good everything seems, my mind just detaches from reality and I go venturing into the forest of my mind, unsure of which way to go....I could really do with a trail map for my head....a nice little layout so I know which way to turn for HAPPINESS.
Right, so this was a pretty pointless blogpost but I just wanted to say, to any of you feeling a little deflated, stressed, down or just fed up, IT'S OKAY. We all have those days, weeks, even months, but it's important not to ignore those feelings and to talk to someone if you're really struggling.
Things that make me happy:
Films - of any kind really.
Reading.
Painting my nails.
It's Friday tomorrow.
My bed.
What makes YOU happy?
Make a list and try and focus on these things....if all fails eat copies amounts of jelly beans.
Thanks
Becca xoxo
